The 5 most common scams targeting divorced people on dating apps
Romance scams cost Americans over $1 billion every year, and divorced adults — especially women over 40 and men over 50 — are the single most-targeted demographic. The Federal Trade Commission and the FBI both publish public data on this; the numbers are not subtle.
Two things you should know up front:
- Getting scammed has nothing to do with intelligence. The successful scams are sophisticated and exploit emotional needs that almost everyone has after a divorce.
- The scammers operate from playbooks. Once you know the patterns, they become almost comically obvious. The first time, they aren't.
Here are the five most common patterns. Memorize them.
1. The "stranded soldier / engineer / oil rig worker" scam
You match with someone attractive whose profile says they work in the military, on an oil rig, on a remote engineering project, or for an international NGO. Conveniently, they're currently overseas. The conversation is intense and emotional very fast — they want to call you "babe" by day three.
Then there's an emergency. A bank account is frozen. A medical bill came up. They can't access their funds for a few weeks but they swear they'll pay you back the moment they're home. Could you wire just a small amount to help them get through?
The tell: they cannot ever video chat (always "bad signal where I am"), they cannot ever meet in person (always "deployed for another six months"), the profile photos look like they were lifted from a stock site or someone's professional headshot, and the urgency around money is always about something that should not be your problem.
What to do: don't send anything. Reverse-image-search their photos in Google or TinEye — these photos are almost always stolen from real people's social media. Block them. Report them. Move on.
2. The crypto / investment "opportunity" scam (sometimes called "pig butchering")
This one is newer and devastatingly effective. The match is attractive, articulate, and well-dressed. They live a real-feeling life — they post photos of nice restaurants, travel, their dog. The conversation moves at a normal pace. There's no rush.
After two or three weeks, they mention casually that they've been doing well with a crypto trading platform. They don't push it. They mention they have a "mentor" who taught them. Eventually, they offer to show you. They walk you through the platform. Your "investments" appear to grow. You can withdraw small amounts at first — the system works. So you put in more. Then more.
Then the platform suddenly requires a "tax" to release your funds. Or the entire thing disappears.
The tell: anyone you've never met in person who is teaching you to invest is running this scam. Period. The patience and the small-withdrawal-then-suddenly-blocked pattern is the giveaway. Real investors are not soliciting strangers from dating apps.
What to do: the moment the conversation turns to crypto trading, investment platforms, or "let me show you how I make money" — block them. Do not be polite. Do not "hear them out." This is the most expensive scam category in the country right now.
3. The catfish (impersonation) scam
The person on the other end is using someone else's photos. Sometimes a stranger's; sometimes a celebrity's; sometimes a real person they've stolen from. The relationship may go on for weeks or months. No money is ever asked for. The point is emotional manipulation — they want to be needed, or they want to keep their actual identity hidden.
This one is less financially dangerous but more emotionally cruel, because by the time you discover the deception, you're invested.
The tell: they will not video chat. They have endless plausible reasons. The photos look professional. Their bio details have small inconsistencies if you compare across messages. Reverse-image-search their photos.
What to do: insist on video chat by the second or third week of consistent messaging. Any prolonged refusal is your signal. The phrase "I'm shy on camera" is a perfectly reasonable thing for a real person to say once, but it doesn't hold up for six weeks of "we're getting really close" texting.
4. The "I need help just this once" scam
This is the most common variant for people who have already exchanged real-looking video chats and built actual rapport. The person seems real. They sound real. You've had multiple conversations.
Then a story emerges. A medical emergency for a family member. A car repair. A child's tuition. A funeral plane ticket. They are not asking you for the money — they explicitly say that, multiple times. They're just venting because they have no one else to talk to. And then, eventually, they accept.
The tell: the money is always a few hundred to a few thousand dollars. They will always pay you back. They will always be ashamed they had to ask. The story is always emotional — kids, parents, medical, life-threatening — designed to make refusing feel cruel.
What to do: the absolute rule, in writing: never send money to anyone you have not met in person. No exceptions. Not a small loan. Not "just to help out." Not because you trust them. Not because it would feel cruel to say no. Never. This is the most-broken rule and the most-regretted. Tape it to your laptop if you have to.
5. The "let's move to a different app" scam
The conversation starts on the dating platform. Within a few days, they want to move to WhatsApp, Telegram, Signal, or Google Hangouts. They give a reason — they don't check the app often, they prefer "real" conversations, they're worried about privacy.
This isn't always a scam. Plenty of real people prefer to text. But it is the consistent first step in every other scam on this list. Moving off-platform means they can keep talking to you after you (or anyone else) reports them and they get banned. It also means you lose the safety infrastructure of the dating app — the report button, the moderation team, the ability of the platform to flag them as banned to other users.
The tell: they want to move off-platform before you've actually met in person.
What to do: stay on the dating platform until you have met in person at least once. Once you've met, sure, exchange numbers. Before then, there's no good reason to leave the safety infrastructure of the app.
A simple rule that catches almost all of them
Three rules, in order of importance:
- Never send money to anyone you have not met in person, for any reason, no matter how good the story is.
- Insist on video chat within the first three weeks. Any prolonged refusal is your answer.
- Don't move off-platform until you've actually met in person.
These three rules eliminate the vast majority of romance scams. They feel paranoid right up until they save you from losing your savings.
If something has already happened
If you've sent money or shared financial information with someone who turned out to be a scammer:
- Report to the FBI at ic3.gov
- Report to the FTC at reportfraud.ftc.gov
- Contact your bank or wire service immediately — recovery is rare but possible if you act in the first 24-48 hours
- You are not alone, and it is not your fault. Scammers run this professionally; getting caught by one is what happens when good people meet bad systems. Don't suffer in shame — the more people report, the more these get prosecuted.
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