What to put in your dating profile when you've been divorced
A dating profile written as a divorced adult is a different craft than one written at 23.
At 23 you were marketing yourself. At whatever age you are now, you're filtering. You're trying to make the people who aren't a fit for you not swipe right — which is a different design problem.
What follows is a practical breakdown of what belongs in the profile, what to leave out, and what your profile is actually doing when it works.
What the profile is actually for (hint: not marketing)
Most profile advice treats the profile as a sales pitch. For divorced adults, that framing is wrong.
Your profile has three jobs:
- Tell the truth clearly enough that the wrong people filter themselves out.
- Give the right person three or four hooks they can message you about.
- Not look like you wrote it in a panic at 11pm.
That's it. Not "stand out." Not "be the funniest." Just — be clearly, specifically, warmly yourself, in a way that someone compatible can find a thread to pull on.
If your profile is written to appeal to the broadest possible audience, you're going to attract an exhausting mix of people who don't fit, miss the person who does, and end up disappointed in dating apps. Narrow is better. Specific is better. Honest is better.
The must-include fields
1. Yes, say you're divorced.
Every major app has a field for relationship history. Fill it in truthfully.
The phrasing is almost always a drop-down ("Divorced") — nothing to craft. If the app lets you add a line, something like "Divorced, learned a lot, good now" is more than enough.
What not to do:
- Hide it. You'll have to reveal it on first contact, which lands worse than if it were visible up front.
- Over-explain. "Divorced after a long marriage that taught me a lot about myself" is fine; "Divorced after a 15-year marriage to someone who ultimately couldn't give me what I needed" is a red flag.
- Make it the headline of the profile. If "Divorced single parent trying to find my way" is the first thing anyone reads, you've told them the divorce is the lens, not just a fact.
2. Yes, say you have kids if you do.
This is the biggest filter in your profile. Don't bury it.
Workable phrasings that land warmly:
- "Two kids, co-parent 50/50, they're the best thing I ever did."
- "One daughter, she lives with me most of the time, she's my person."
- "Three kids, mostly grown now. I'm around a lot more than I used to be."
What not to do:
- Hide it until the third date. Dishonest, wastes everyone's time.
- Lead with it as a warning. "Must love kids!!!" with three exclamation points reads as fragile. The right people don't need the warning; the wrong ones will self-filter on the quiet mention.
- Post identifiable photos of them. Protect their faces until you know who's seeing them. (More on this below.)
3. One line about what kind of relationship you're actually looking for.
The field is usually called "Relationship goals" or "Looking for." Filling it in truthfully saves everyone months.
- "Looking for something serious — not interested in casual."
- "Open to seeing where things go, not in a rush, not here to play."
- "Honest casual, no deception. Not currently looking for a relationship but open to friendship first."
- "Long-term partner. I'm clear about what I want."
Each of these filters a different pool of people. Which is the whole point.
Don't write "looking for my person" or "I'll know it when I see it." These are universal enough to be useless as filters. Someone reading them learns nothing.
4. Three or four specific hooks about who you actually are.
The part of the profile that most people fumble. Not because they can't write — because they're trying to sound universally appealing.
The move: pick three or four specific things that make you you and are easy for someone to message you about.
Good hooks:
- "I've been slowly rebuilding my record collection since the divorce. Currently obsessed with Nina Simone's 'Baltimore.'"
- "I run a nonprofit for high school robotics teams. The students are more fun than most adults I know."
- "Decent cook, better baker. I will make you my sourdough and you will owe me."
- "Grew up in a small town in Ohio, moved to the city for law school and never left. Still miss the night sky."
Bad hooks:
- "I love to laugh." (Everyone does.)
- "Looking for my best friend." (Everyone is.)
- "Fluent in sarcasm." (This one is on every profile written in 2017.)
- "Love hiking, traveling, and good food." (Universal to the point of being invisible.)
Specific is memorable. Universal is invisible. Err toward specific every time.
5. One disarming line.
A single sentence that acknowledges, warmly, that online dating as a divorced adult is a little weird. It makes you likable instantly.
Examples:
- "Haven't done this in fifteen years. It's a little strange. But here we are."
- "If you're also figuring this part out as you go, same."
- "Not sure what the current rules are. Open to being told."
One sentence. Not three. The warmth lands once; after that it reads as nervous.
What to leave off entirely
Don't post a photo with your ex, even cropped.
You know the one. You in the suit, with their arm visibly cropped off at the shoulder. Nobody is fooled, and the message it sends is: the best photo I have of myself is from the marriage. Take a new one.
Don't post a photo in your wedding attire.
Even if it's a great photo. Even if it's your sibling's wedding. You in a tuxedo or a bridal-adjacent dress reads as wedding-coded, and your date doesn't want to associate you with weddings.
Don't post photos only from four years ago.
A profile where every photo is clearly from pre-divorce you reads as either dishonest or stuck. Mix in at least two recent ones. If you don't have recent photos, go take some. Your current self is more attractive than a flattering photo of a past version of yourself.
Don't list your height in defensive language.
Men: just put the number. Don't write "6'1" since that's apparently what matters here." You sound mad before anyone's done anything.
Women: not required. If you want to include it, just put the number.
Don't list the things you don't want.
- "No cheaters."
- "No players."
- "No men under six feet."
- "If you can't handle a strong woman, swipe left."
Every single one of these makes you look like you're still fighting the last relationship. Nobody wants to meet someone who's writing to the ghost of the person who hurt them. Say what you want. Trust the filtering to happen on the other end.
Don't be cute about your divorce.
- "Looking for someone to help me use my second-chance card."
- "Officially off the market and back on it — surprise!"
- "Round two, same me, better at it."
These feel clever to write and land as off-putting to read. The marriage was a chapter. It happened. You don't have to joke about it to prove you're past it.
Photo guidance, in order of what matters
1. Your face, clearly, in the primary photo. Not sunglasses, not a hat, not a group shot. One clean photo of you from the shoulders up. This should look like you look on a reasonably good day — not a photoshoot you.
2. One full-body photo, in context. Walking, standing somewhere interesting, dressed how you actually dress. Not posed. Not against a blank wall.
3. One photo doing the thing you love. You cooking, you reading, you with a camera, you on a trail, you in your garden. Shows your life, gives a hook.
4. One photo with light, warm energy. You laughing (really laughing, not posing). With friends is fine; by yourself is also fine. Something that makes someone want to be in the room with you.
5. Optional: one photo of something you made or care about. Your sourdough. Your bookshelf. Your dog, if the dog is a big part of your life. Not required.
What not to put: fish photos (unless you're a fisherman), car photos, mirror selfies, bathroom selfies, photos that are obviously selfies-stretched-to-look-like-someone-else-took-them, group photos where it isn't clear which one is you, photos of your kids where their faces are identifiable.
About your kids' faces
If you have kids, you probably want to show that part of your life. Fine. Do it carefully.
Okay:
- You in the frame, kids as back-of-the-head silhouettes
- You from a distance with a child whose face isn't visible
- You with your kids and a caption that acknowledges them without identifying them: "Me and my people"
- A photo of just their small hand holding yours
Not okay:
- Your minor child's face clearly visible on a public dating profile
- Your child's first name in the caption
- A photo that identifies the school they go to, the neighborhood you live in, or any other locator
Your kids haven't consented to being on a dating app. Protect them until you know who's looking.
The final test
Read your profile out loud. If any sentence makes you cringe, cut it.
The one that reads warm, specific, honest, and self-contained — that's the profile that works. Everything else is noise.
Keep reading:
Common questions
